Mandy: Does he have a name? No? I'll call him Dunebuggy.
Mandy: *watching the history scroll* Hey look, it's the Gameboy version.
Mandy: Oh look, and there's a glowstick over here. Look at this, it's inside a fucking mountain!
Mandy: Oh, look at the champ go, I just totally caught that glowstick!
Mandy: *stands under a sandfall* Look at this, I'm showering! Showering in the sand!
Mandy: Oh, my cape is like uber long now. I'm going to trip on that shit later. Like, I'm going to roll with it, and it's going to strangle me and stuff...
Mandy: Oh yeah, I'm playing online. So what do they do, do they just chirp at ya? *'Yep.'* Well that's extensive conversation.
Mandy: So can they go up the bridge I made? Awesome. Look at that buddy, I just helped you out.
Mandy: Ha ha, like a boss, didn't need help that time!
Mandy: Look at that, it doesn't go around the buildings, it goes through them. And lights them up. With happiness!
Mandy: Don't worry bud, that mountain only looks as far away as it did before because of angulation.
Mandy: That's right, you skateboard on that sand.
Mandy: There's a bunch of little dragons! Come on little dragons! Oh he totally landed on a little dragon. I landed on the little dragon! No, come back little dragon!
Mandy: *gasp* Lots of little carpets! Up up up up!
Mandy: Oh sweet, RUNNING FLY JUMP! Okay okay, stop being cool and look for shiny glow stuff. Shiny glowsticks. I need shiny glowsticks!
Mandy: Now what. Oops, ten bucks says I gotta climb this.
Mandy: *'Oh, and they can still get the glyph even though you got it.'* Oh okay, I was about to say 'that's not fair, I just totally ninja'd that guy's glyph'.
Mandy: So the dragons helped you to climb the mountain of death, and now you travel to the summit of Mount Doom. You must destroy The Ring.
Mandy: *'This is the fun area.'* What fun area, do I have to surfboard the dragons? The sand? AW YEAH!
Mandy: Oh god I'm going really fast now! Why is it so orange oh god I'm going to crash into something! There better not be any pillars in the middle of the road!
Mandy: Shiny sand-- ROCK!!
Mandy: Yep, I'm weighted down by my scarf.
Mandy: So you failed at Mount Doom. But you skiboarded down the freaking mountain. You got good time while you did it. You're going to meet the ROBOT version of you guys, with the eyes, and the glow, and the dark, and they have LASERS that SHOOT YOU. And there's a mother ship, and it's got a tractor beam, and it's gonna suck you up.
Mandy: I'm gonna get lasered at the end of this game, I know it.
Mandy: Gotta love that these perfectly placed rocks are here. To give us light.
Mandy: Ah! It's the laser ship eyes! ...Oh dear. They look like turrets. Or tanks. *war machine jumps up* AHHH IT'S GOT GUNS!
Mandy: It's going to jump out of that mesh thing. It's going to be all 'GRR, ANGER FACE.' .....Or not.
Mandy: *'Maybe you should not be walking down the middle.'* Fuck it. LIVE DANGEROUSLY. With my exceptionally long cape. Which is probably getting totally disgusting in the sand.
Mandy: Just looking out for Danger Dan there... ooh, shiny thing! Glowstick! --There's that thingamajiggy! Get me the fuck out of here!
Mandy: They're gonna eat me they're gonna eat me they're gonna eat me they'regonnaeatmethey'regonnaeatme oh my god!! ---haaah, they didn't eat me. Give me my cape back! Stupid fucking hateful robot snake thing!
Mandy: Afterwards they ate all the stuff, and got indigestion, and lay down, and torched the city, and filled it with sand, and then an asteroid came, and crushed it, and that was you! You're an asteroid. That's why we call you Astroboy.
Mandy: Am I gonna have to deal with those bastards again? *'Uhhh, possibly.'* Buttfuck.
Mandy: Ooh, I'm filled with shiny colours.
Mandy: *'Oh, they've got a long one.'* Yeah, they didn't get eaten by a Thing.
Mandy: There it is! Fly, little capey, fly!
Mandy: There's more of those monsters here... and it's cold... Don't freeze, buddy!
Mandy: We lose our--! ...We lose our cape symbols when we get too far apart...
Mandy: Yeah, he got frozen at one point, buddy there. I had to go help him.
Mandy: *gasp!* That's evil bad music.
Mandy: *whispering and looking around for the war machines* Okay I don't see him. I think we're good.
Mandy: Shit shit shit shit shit shit-- ermagerd! Get in the shelter! Safety in numbers, safety in numbers!
Mandy: Shiny happy people holding haaaaaands~
Mandy: *really sad voice* Oh, we're freezing!
Mandy: Oh look at your many wives, they're here to save you. They're going to give you a new cape, it's gonna be winter resistant. Because wearing the same shit that you wear in the desert probably isn't very good on the mountain.
Mandy: *flying right into a wall* --MOUNTAIN!
Mandy: *waiting for partner at the top of the mountain* Got a little ahead of 'im there! --Our capes are gone again! Or they're magical capes. Disappearing magical capes.
Mandy: Made it to the moun~tain~
Mandy: Is that the end? I thought that was the end. Ha, it was the end! That wasn't too long at all.
Mandy: You die, they bring you back, they're all like, 'Well, you failed, BUT. Here's the thing. We're gonna let you get to the top, but the easy way.'
theme bits by heartgrenade